I end up resolving to do some things every year. Some of them get done, some of them don’t. Some of them are very realistic, and then there was the time I resolved to set a homeless person on fire. I didn’t actually do it, wouldn’t dream of hurting some poor bastard like that, but it was good for comedic effect. Well…I laughed, anyway.

For those who like to keep score, here are last year’s resolutions:

• Every year, I resolve to get a hanging plant of some sort. I’ve yet to do it. This is gonna be the year. Please feel free to suggest good plants that I won’t get busted for owning.

  Done, regardless of whether it happened as I planned for it to or not. For those who are wondering, Inignot the philodendron is doing fine.

• I resolve to make being Scott Crawford a profitable enterprise, on my own terms. This means, among other things, that you fuckers are going to have to buy a lot of My Big, Black Cock t-shirts when they’re done. I’d have them available now, but I hate Cafe Press’s prices and policies…actually, does anyone know if they’ll make shirts that say “Cafe Press Sucks Dick”? If so, I’d consider printing those.

  Not even fucking close, but this is where you come in:

  Give Me Money

• I resolve to finish at least one album this year. The original deadline for the first one was to be done by March 1st, but I’m thinking 2 months, one of them very short, might be cutting it close, so I’ll say “April 1st” and hope to finish early. For those wondering, preproduction’s coming along swimmingly, but the record’s probably not going to sound at all like you’d expect it to. It might actually be GOOD. ;) Stay tuned.

  Nope. Still working on it, got sidetracked by some things, and some people. I was working on recording some vocals this week, though, so it’s not completely stalled or anything. Stay tuned.

• I resolve to continue to learn when to let go of the reins, and when to listen. Believe it or not, even a strong, proud, angry black man like myself needs to do it sometimes.

  A work in progress. This one was pretty open-ended, though.

• I resolve to begin figuring out a logical order to things.

  If we’re working from “begin” here, yes, I did this one.

• And finally, at least until I think of more, I resolve to either beat my sleep problems, or beat the world into submission as far as dealing with them goes.

  No such luck. Can’t win ‘em all.

To offset the somewhat hit-and-miss track record, here are some things, aside from the resolutions, that I did accomplish this year:

• With the help of qDot and some others, version 3.0 of My Big, Black Cock was finally completed, and is fully set up for syndication.
• I interviewed Andrew W.K., Slayer, Cathedral, Gene Hoglan of Strapping Young Lad (kinda), Gods Of Fire, and perhaps most importantly, RICHARD FUCKING HACKLEY. (Sorry, Richard. It had to be said. :D) Thanks to everyone who participated and helped make these things happen.
• I became the 4,901,438,012th person to become an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church.
• I went to a lot of fucking concerts. No, really. A lot. I think this year may be some sort of record. I will most likely be writing some sort of year-end roundup after the first of the year.
• I went to Boston a lot. Not a bad town despite several members of their baseball team who shall remain nameless, but a bit cold at times.
• I had someone move in with me. It didn’t work out so well, but at least we tried.
• I planned and endured what I’d consider to be a successful move, right after the person moved in with me. It wasn’t easy on anyone involved, but the planning of this move was such that months afterward, I’d still consider it successful on a personal level.
• There are now 1.2 million people and counting in my Friendster network. That’s impressive enough, but what really impresses me is that despite my faults and shortcomings, I made some new friends this year, got back in touch with some old ones, and strengthened bonds with some existing ones. Of course, there were certainly some who I fell out with…there always are…but perhaps in the future, when we’re all wiser people, we can look back on those experiences and laugh about them.
• I became the owner of a painting that was made by a Paint Monster. Some other not-quite-so-sentimental but noteworthy material possessions acquired: an original Evel Knievel toy complete with motorcycle, helmet, and base, and (finally!) “The Last American Virgin” on DVD.
• I figured out how to network 3 computers together, all running different operating systems. In addition, one of those computers was a computer I managed to resurrect (after seemingly blowing it up a year and a half ago) with some help from this guy. It’s now correctly doing what I thought I blew it up trying to do (running OS X…it’s a machine that’s at the bare minimum of what you should be running it on…).
• I won my fucking fantasy baseball league. Cower before me, lemmings!
• I made it back to Toronto. I’m typing the final draft of this in Toronto, in fact. Fuck, I love this town.
• I got laid at least once. 15 calendar years in a row and counting, spread out across 3 decades, 2 centuries, and 2 millennia! While I don’t want to make it look like I hold the act of sharing myself with another in the same regard as winning a fantasy baseball league (to be fair, the fantasy baseball league thing was FAR more satisfying…I KEED, I KEED!), I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t take some pride in this, even when the underlying circumstances have not always been the best ones (I can’t think of any I’d call “do-over” on, though I do often wish the fallout of some of these experiences had been a little different at times…).

  To be lucky enough to have someone around who wants to have sex with you, even if you do it A LOT, should always be regarded as one of life’s great victories, and I consider myself blessed for having the opportunity to do it as many times as I have in my life. If we’ve had sex in the past, if we are having sex presently (though I’d hope you were paying attention and not reading this while…oh, forget it…), or if you’re thinking of having sex with me at any point in the future, even if we’re no longer friendly with each other, and even if I’ve said it before…thank you. “To all the girls I’ve loved before…”

I probably did some other things this year, but we’ll quit stalling here, and get to:

2004′s Resolutions:

New ones:

• I resolve to tell my friends that I love them more often. Hopefully not to the point where it irritates anyone, but I think we could all stand to let our friends know that we love them more often. I started a few days early on this one; a few of you may know what I’m talking about. To those who are my friends and don’t know what I’m talking about, the specifics aren’t important. Oh, by the way…(spoken in Evil Alternate Universe Eric Cartman voice) “I love you guys.”
• Since going for a cure/beating the world into submission on my sleep problems didn’t work out so hot this year, and I don’t feel like putting everything else on hold while I continue to work on them, I’m going to try (again?) to structure my life around my sleep issues, and see if that works out better for me.
• I haven’t been to a ballgame in a while; I’m going to have to see about making it to Yankee Stadium (and possibly some other parks, maybe the Phillies’ new one, maybe some others) in ’04.
• I’d like to see about learning how to do one thing well that people are always willing to pay me to do. Or, if I already know how to do it and I’m overlooking it, I’d like to see about learning how to pimp such a skill.

  Those’ll do for starters, though I reserve the right to add others later. Nothing really high-impact, but along with some of the other works-in-progress, I think it’ll all improve my life in some way or another, even the ballgames.

  I feel like I’ve said it a million times this week already in various places, but Happy Friggin’ New Year from all of us at My Big, Black Cock.

  This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 31st, 2003 at 3:29 pm and is filed under My Big, Black Cock.. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.