Alternate endings to “The Passion Of The Christ”, Part I
With all the controversy and hype surrounding Mel Gibson’s blockbuster, we at My Big, Black Cock felt that a major point was being missed: we know how the story ends already! Who *doesn’t* know that Jesus dies and is resurrected at the end? Like, duh! This is a bigger ripoff than “Titanic”!
With that in mind, we’ve come up with some alternate endings that may have jazzed “The Passion Of The Christ” up a bit. This is part one of a two part series, with the second part coming later in the week.
If you’re a LiveJournal user, you can vote on your favorite ending here.
Without further ado, the alternate endings!
With his last ounce of energy, Jesus hands God a Coke. God resurrects Jesus, prompting Jesus to smile and say “Thanks, Mean Joe!”
Godzilla’s foot squashes Jesus.
“CBS Apologizes For Showing Of Nipple During Crucifixion”
After someone watching the crucifixion says “Only a miracle can save us now…”, Geoffrey Hines rides up to Jesus in a familiar horse-drawn chariot.
Jesus and Geena Davis drive their car into the Grand Canyon to evade capture.
Jesus apparently wins the NWA World Title, but the decision is later reversed because cameras showed that Ric Flair’s foot was on the ropes.
“I am a big, bright, shining star.”
Jesus and mystery author Anne Perry are sent to juvenile correction facilities for the murder of Perry’s mother, and ordered never to see one another again upon their release.
DVDA. ‘Nuff said!
Dr. Herbert West re-animates Jesus.
After calming down his date from a nightmare, Jesus says “C’mon, I’ll take you home.” He then looks back at the camera with monster eyes and smiles, as evil laughter echoes in the background.
Inspired by the resurrection of Christ, a humanoid rabbit begins passing out candy and eggs to kids. To this day, scholars are baffled.
Jesus blows the Death Star to smithereens.
Unable to convince the people of Amsterdam that he and Cheech Marin are not Burt Reynolds and Dolly Parton, the two perform a concert anyway, with the Queen of The Netherlands in attendance.