Jesus stumbles off the cross in the morning, comes across an unconscious Chloe Sevigny, and has sex with her, unaware that she has teh AIDS.

After unveiling his painting of a glowing, angelic Noriko standing in the center of a garish, grotesque pile of her classmates’ bodies, Jesus is crucified, but not before telling off his daughter on his cell phone and eating the last cookie.

Jesus finally cops to being Matty Alou’s brother.

As Jesus hangs from the cross and the credits begin to roll, the Spongmonkeys appear and begin to sing…”WE LOVE THE CHRIST! HE’S DYING FOR OUR SINS! AND HE HAS A PEPPER BAR!”

Any of you ever see “The Crying Game”? Yeah, that.

Jesus bursts into the closing ceremonies of the Catskills resort he was fired from, and demands the last dance of the season with Baby!

Just as the crucifixion is about to happen, a naked girl gets hit by a car and blows the whole thing to Hell.

Jesus sacrifices his life to destroy the MCP cone and free all the programs.

Depending on which theatre you go to, either Yvette kills Jesus in the study with a candlestick (under orders from Miss Scarlet), Mrs. Peacock kills Jesus in the Study with the Revolver, or Mr. Green kills Jesus in the Hall with the Revolver.

We finally get to see what happens when Jesus and Liam O’Brien face The Dude and Walter in the semis.

Jesus is seen wearing a straitjacket, babbling to himself in his padded cell at Arkham Asylum…”I’m the only one left who remembers the infinite Earths. You see, I know the truth…”

Jesus, his family, and the crew of The Barnacle win the big sailboat race against the evil landlord, pulling ahead at the very end when Jesus uses his pants as a sail.

After it was stolen from him by Judas, acting on the behalf of the government, Jesus hacks the guidance system on the laser he developed so that it misses its intended target and cooks a giant Jiffy Pop in Judas’ house instead.

Much as I have by doing a sequel to this…Jesus Jumps The Shark.