New Year’s Resolution, Week 11 (and change)
Not to worry, I haven’t forgotten about this. Just had kind of a busy week-into-weekend.
This Week (and change): Fear 2, Me 1
Current Score: Me 18, Fear 8
I’m taking on the weekend of Week 12, because it took me a while to get this, and also because some of what I became aware of during Week 11, I didn’t really process until just now.
First up, I’ve become more conscious of the fact that it takes effort for me to leave my room sometimes when I’m home, out of a fear of dealing with people. As some of you may know, I live with family, and while I have no gripes with them, sometimes when they’re home, the idea of being around them, explaining things, possibly disturbing them, you know the drill (it’s why people who can leave home usually do)…well, it’s not really a comfortable idea for me. Again, totally not an issue with anyone in my house. This one’s all me. At some point, once the Scott Crawford Government Bailout Plan takes full effect and maybe a little before then, I think I’m going to have to start working out the financial particulars of living on my own, seeing if it’s something I could do. I don’t know that living with roommates would really solve this one. But, in the meantime, I need to spend a little time visualizing what the worst-case scenario is in my head for simply living in the entirety of my house rather than a room of it, and possibly have a talk.
Second, I went to Saturday Nightmares over the weekend. Great event, looking forward to seeing what they do next, but that’s not what we’re here to talk about. During the course of the event, I had opportunities to meet all the guests, and shyed away from doing so in most cases, either because I didn’t want to be another one of those guys who was hanging out at their table with no money, or because I just didn’t know what to say to them. I’m not one of those people in horror/film fandom who can tell you every movie that a “Dawn Of The Dead” cast member was ever in, though I do love the film, so with a lot of people there, it was like “Hey, it’s that guy!” and having been “that guy”, I appreciate people who don’t just point out that I’m “that guy” for the sake of it. However, there were two people there who were standouts for me: George Romero and Adrienne Barbeau. George pretty much invented the modern zombie movie and has made several of the best films ever, and Adrienne’s been in a pretty good handful of movies I love. (I actually own 4 of her movies on DVD, and there’s at least two that she was in that I should own.) I went one for two here, as for some reason, I managed to force myself to say “thank you” to George, but froze up when it came to Adrienne. I don’t know if it was a gender thing, the fact that, even in her 60′s, she was a good deal prettier than George is, the fact that I didn’t want to be one of those people who quoted her movies back at her, or what, but I couldn’t even manage the same “thank you” that George got for her. I didn’t approach her and stand there like a schmuck, speechless, so it wasn’t really bad or anything, but I still should’ve stopped by and said “thank you”. So, Adrienne Barbeau, thank you, wherever you are! (I think she lives somewhat local to me, actually, as she’s done other area signings for the books she writes these days and is married to a fella whose brother is a pretty well-established part of the fabric of New Jersey, so hopefully I’ll catch up with her another time…)
So, yeah, went 1 for 2 there, not bad, but could use some improvement. Being shy really sucks sometimes, especially when it’s not always-on or always-off. It’s like this unpredictable, intermittent shyness. Sometimes, I totally go in guns blazing (sometimes a little too blazing), and other times, I stand at a distance and stare until I’m that weird guy…well, I’m always that weird guy…but that weird guy who’s staring, for the purpose of this discussion. I guess we do what we can do, and try to improve on things the next time we’re in one of those situations.
Looking forward, March is almost over, and it’s kind of a shame, because March has been perhaps the most peaceful month I’ve had in years. I needed this one. This weekend, it seems that things start picking up again. We’ll see how that goes.