The Wang Archive: An Introduction.
“the world is a crazy place. i have met people weirder than me.”
-Wang, sometime in the mid-1990′s
Yes. The day is finally upon us, my faithful, hairy-palmed readers. after A discussion with the legendary man known as “Wang”, but perhaps more familiar to you all as “Zamboni”, I have chosen, with the blessing of Guido, Horatio, Wang’s mom, and the man himself, to host the official archive of his legendary stories.
Originally posted to the alt.tasteless newsgroup in the mid-to-late 1990′s, these literary gems tell “the story of a boy and his goat”, as Wang once put it himself, or, to go into a bit more detail, the story of a boy, his goat, his penis, his mom, his hand, some other assorted animals, and a few of his mom’s johns. These stories have been controversial, in that the Zamboni company have threatened a lawsuit against Mr. Wang for the use of “their” name. For this reason, the Zamboni series was discontinued, and no new stories were written from about 1997 to 1999, when our hero emerged briefly from hiding with several new stories, under his new moniker of “Wang”. So far, I only have the first “Wang” story, and Wang himself is missing the rest, but I will hopefully have all of these stories written as “Wang” available in this space as soon as possible.
For those of you wondering where you can get your Wang fix these days, I’m not quite sure what to tell you. I haven’t heard from Wang in some time.
As for the possible legal ramifications of these stories being archived in a public spot like this:
* The stories were posted to Usenet, and if you dug enough, I’m sure you’d be able to find them available publicly somewhere just on that basis.
* Wang is no longer posting his stories under the name “Zamboni”. These posts are a matter of historical record. God, I feel like someone trying to keep The Little Rascals on the air here.
* I declare that I am not the author of these stories (I’m good, but I’m not THIS good), a fact which the Zamboni company’s lawyers would be able to doublecheck easily, as they got in touch with both Wang and his ISP at the time of the posts.
* A recent Dejanews search turned up a ton of people using the name “Zamboni” in one form or another, most of whom post to adult newsgroups. Why shouldn’t the Zamboni family go after them first, and have fun wasting their money, and the court’s time?
* On the issue of “misrepresentation of the Zamboni name”: if any of the famous Zamboni ice resurfacer’s customers, or potential customers can’t tell the difference between these stories and Zamboni’s products, I suggest that the Zamboni company either get a new PR person, or they start running over their moron customers with their machines. There is a CLEAR difference between a machine that rides on ice skating rinks and fixes the surface of the ice, and a fella who tells stories about having sex with his goat and his mom. At least, to me, there is.
* Finally, these posts are meant for people with a sense of humor. If you don’t have it, don’t read them.
If you have questions, comments, etc. for Wang (or to Guido, Horatio, his mom, etc.), drop me a line, and I’ll do my best to forward them along. He’s been incommunicado lately. Probably off having more adventures.
These posts are in the public domain, and are © no one. Feel free to distribute them as much as you like, with the author’s blessing. As a matter of courtesy, I, as his archivist, do ask that you be sure to leave credit to Wang in the texts while distributing them, though. Only fair.
And now, without further ado, I present…THE STORIES.