I’m on the air, if anyone’s interested. No set lists, though, because I’m lazy.

sssdddccc: haven’t seen the man in a year and a half, and i was just scolded for blocking his view of a wayans brother.
sssdddccc: ahhhh, thanksgiving.

The Lords Of The New Church
Heaven Stepped Down
Lords Records

A friend of mine recently called attention to the fact that someone claiming to be “The Lords Of The New Church” had a profile on the Friendster-alike site Myspace, and being a fairly big fan of both the late Stiv Bators and his band the Lords, I checked it out. Upon first seeing that Lords members Brian James (also late of The Damned) and Dave Tregunna were “getting the band back together” so to speak, I was initially furious. Correct me if I’m wrong here, but hadn’t they tried this once and failed while Stiv was still alive? I cooled down after a bit and thought about things from a slightly more objective point of view. What if they were somehow able to deliver the goods? After all, while they haven’t played any of their new songs publicly yet, The Doors managed to shock the hell out of me with Ian Astbury on vocals. They were fantastic this past summer (and the subject of another review that I will get to eventually), so there had to be at least some hope for The Lords too, right? I went on this logic and contacted The Lords for a review copy of their new CD single, noting in my correspondence that I was a bit apprehensive toward their endeavor, but willing to hear them out.

Sadly, upon listening to the CD, my worst fears were confirmed. Rather than moving on and trying to create an entirely new chapter in Lords history (something that the aforementioned Doors, even at their best, haven’t done yet either), all three songs rely heavily on the band’s two vocalists borrowing heavily from, if not outright copying both of Stiv’s unique, distinct vocal styles (the snotty, obnoxious shouting of the Dead Boys and his rowdier material both solo and with The Lords, and the more melancholy crooner of his later years…). I’m not sure I understand why they went this route; people new to the Lords won’t understand why the singers are singing like this (to put it mildly, there’s really no one else quite like Stiv vocally, especially these days…), and people who are longtime fans may be pissed and insulted that they have these guys impersonating Stiv.

The lyrical approach used here, particularly their use of pop culture references, is also heavily derivative of the earlier Lords material. Musically, the band sounds like a drunker version of the old Lords band…more chaotic, less reliant on rhythm than on past releases. Guitarist Brian James seems to have made a concerted effort to recapture the jaggedness of his sound circa “Damned Damned Damned”, but while I found it sonically interesting at first, it eventually made a nuisance of itself, and stuck out of the mix like a sore thumb. The unit hits their high point during the frenetic outro of “Baby Babylon”, but even that’s heavily lacking in the magic that was the stock and trade of Stiv and co. back in the 1980′s.

Someone who wanted to dissect this review could argue along these lines: “Well, according to you, they’ve got vocals that sound somewhat like the original singer’s, they’re writing lyrics in a similar vein to the ones they used to, and their lead guitarist/main songwriter’s recaptured his signature guitar sound. What’s the problem?” The problem is that it all rings empty. It seems like a reasonable amount of effort went into making this a Lords Of The New Church record, but that could be it in a nutshell; the personalities of the original band members, particularly Stiv, who was truly one of a kind and is perhaps irreplacable, made it sound and feel like these records just HAPPENED (not being privy to the recording process, this is purely speculative; it might’ve been hell to do a Lords record back then…), and this sounds forced.

As I said earlier, The Lords Of The New Church, even when they were goofing on Madonna’s “Like A Virgin” or doing a bubblegummy cover of CCR’s “Hey Tonight”, had a magic to them, a perfect chemistry, that indescribable energy that a band has when everything falls into place despite itself. On this single, The Lords are just a mere shadow of their former selves, no matter how much they, I, or anyone else wishes they’d be more. It could just be that they’re trying too hard to recapture an energy that once came naturally. Or it could be that without Stiv and with too much time past, that energy’s out of their reach no matter what approach they take or who they have singing in what style. Here’s hoping that The Lords find what they’re looking for, if they continue to release music.

Danzig kicks our asses at the NJ Metal And Hardcore Festival (Photo Credit: Rachel Starlett)

A few quick editorial notes before I get into the Metalfest coverage: first off, this review is going to have to take the place of our usual Monday interview this week. After 2 months of chasing down these overpaid drug addicts, I needed a rest. Not to worry, as I’ve got several interviews in the works as I type this, but for this week, please, for the love of Jeebus, let me rest. ;)

Second, I’ve been a bit concerned of late about the sheer volume of metal coverage I’ve had here at My Big, Black Cock, because while I love metal, it’s not all that I love musically. I listen to all sorts of music (even beyond Richard Hackley!), but as a rule, the metal bands have been the most cooperative and available of the artists I’ve contacted of late. Just to let some of you know, there will be many artists featured here who aren’t necessarily ‘eavy (as the Cathedral guys would say), and I don’t wanna hear any crap out of y’all when they do show up. :D Despite the possible outward appearances, this is not necessarily a metal site, it’s just a site that happens to like metal a bunch. Having said that, it’s time for me to get off the soapbox, and onto the metal once more…
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Cleveland Releases Johnson

It just makes it sound like “Clash Of The Titans” or something. “Cleveland…release the Johnson!”

“Drink…from the nectar of the Gods…”
From left to right: DJ Blood Sacrifice, the departed Evil Ray, Prometheus, Saucy Jack, Fra Diavolos.

Normally, I like to fill this space with a little something to introduce you to the subject of each interview, but what can I possibly say about this next band that hasn’t already been said by Christian fundamentalists, the PMRC, or Satan? Heck, the Gods Of Fire are such a bastion of metal greatness that Satan manages them, as you’re about to read! I kid you not! Vocalist Prometheus, guitarists Saucy Jack and DJ Blood Sacrifice, drummer Fra Diavolos, “Fire-ette” Lucretia XXX, the mysterious “New bassist”, and even Satan himself recently took some time out of their busy schedule of preparing for their upcoming New York gigs (see the bottom of this article…they’re playing TONIGHT, November 10th in New York at Arlene’s for one!), torturing souls and listening to “Sad Wings Of Destiny” on repeat play to talk to My Big, Black Cock about their endeavors, the power of METAL, and their day-to-day debauchery.
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My ordination certificate from the Universal Life Church has now arrived in the mail.

I am offically, from this day forward, the Reverend Scott Crawford.

Soon, I will be available for weddings, funerals, Bar Mitzvahs, and other high holy days. Sign up now, while dates and times are available.

I know this may sound off-color coming from a man of the cloth, but HOLY SHIT IS THIS FUCKING COOL.

The Olsen Twins Meet The Pointer Sisters

Discuss.

J.G. Thirlwell of Foetus shows us the goods, circa 1991 at New York’s Limelight.
(Photo Credit: Scott Crawford)

In the second installment of our Flashback Interview series, MBBC staffer justj0hn provides us with an interview with J. G. Thirlwell, of Foetus/Wiseblood/Steroid Maximus/Manorexia fame that he and his compatriot Michele (last name omitted to protect the innocent) conducted in 2001 for the now-in-limbo Faqt Magazine. Thanks to both justj0hn and Faqt for allowing us to bring this one back for public consumption.

As for Ma Thirlwell’s baby boy Jimmy, according to his web site, there will be a new Foetus album available in 2004, and it seems as if he’s been keeping busy in the meantime. I highly recommend the Foetus site, as it’s chock full of information.

In addition, if y’all are interested, I may eventually be persuaded to post yet another interview with Mr. Thirlwell that I did for Propaganda back in the dark ages of 1991 or so as a separate Flashback Interview, but that probably won’t be posted for a while.

And now, J.G. Thirlwell: The My Big, Black Cock Flashback Interview.
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The New York Marathon is underway! I love this day. I sit in front of my TV every year on this day and yell “RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” for a few hours.

No word yet on whether my man Tesfaye Jifar (also indelicately known as “the one-eyed Ethiopian” in these circles) is running this year or not, but I’m hoping. Sucked to see him drop out last year. He’s awesome.

Update #1: I don’t think Jifar’s in. He’s not in the database on the site, or in with the top-ranked men. If I receive info that runs contrary to this, I will let you all know, but I think he’s out, kids. :\

Update #2: With that in mind, I believe that the man to root for is Staten Island’s Michael Michael Varriano, their representative in the Five Borough Challenge. I think he has a mullet. :D

Update #3: The runners are off!

RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Update #4: WNBC TV reporter Tim McLoone is running the race with a mic!

Holy god, female runner F104 is a hottie. Olga Romanova of Russia. She needs to run into the arms of The Wild Crawford. Yowza.

Holy shit, that guy in the wheelchair is hauling ass. South African fella. Frig.

Update #5: Best wishes to Julio Rey of Spain, the 5th-ranked men’s entrant, who is unfortunately out of the race with an ankle injury.

Update #6: Marla Runyan has fallen behind the pack of elite women due to a collision at around mile 8, if I’m not mistaken. Here’s hoping she gets it back together. Running a marathon’s tough to begin with, but this is one of the best long-distance runners in the world, and she’s legally blind to boot! Unbelievable.

Update #7: Krige Schabort of South Africa (the “hauling ass” guy) has just won the Wheelchair race. I’ll get that time for you ASAP. OK, got it. 1:32:20!

Update #8: Women are at the 24 mile mark, with Kenyan Margaret Okayo in the lead, at a record pace. Men are across the Willis Ave. bridge by Yankee Stadium, with Rodgers Rop and Martin Lel leading a 5 man pack right now.

Update #9: Margaret Okayo (Kenya) wins the Women’s race with a course record 2:22:30! Those Kenyans, they can run. Rop and Lel still in the lead for the men, just about dead even at 105th St., heading for the park.

Update #10: Lel’s got the lead right now…2:04 and change…Rop falling behind a bit…new record (breaking Jifar’s 2001 record, if so…) possible still, I think…2:06 now…Lel’s haulin’ ass! Rop’s out! Go, man, go! Yeah, motherfucker, give it hell! No course record, but Lel is doing great work! 2:08! 800 meters to go! It’s all Lel, baby! His first major marathon win over the favorite Rop! Go, man! 2:10! Sweet Jesus, home stretch! YEAH! 2:10:29!!!!!!!!

“I’d love to know what his thighs feel like.”-Al Trautwig

2:11 and change for Rop. More in a bit.

Update #11: HOLY CRAP! This guy’s been juggling for the entire marathon!

Update #12: Our mulleted guy from Staten Island finished second to the Brooklyn entrant (The Z Brothers must be happy…). Also, there are 2 guys dressed as the Blues Brothers running the marathon.

Update #13: For those who were wondering, because I’m sure he’s conspicuous by his absence…Sean Combs completed the NYC Marathon in 4 hours and 14 minutes. As some of you probably know, I’m not his biggest fan by a longshot, but regardless of what he’s done in the past, what he may do in the future, what his agenda was in running the race, and how he handled his “fans” running onto the course to meet him once he outran his security detail (one kid was met with a pretty serious shove on-camera), no one can ever say this guy didn’t deliver on his promise to finish this race. I don’t think he set a very good example for people looking to get into running by running 26.2 miles on a knee with bad tendinitis, but he said he was going to do this exceptionally difficult feat (which I would someday like to try, but it’ll be a while before I do), and he did it. Hats off to him for busting his ass to keep a promise and for finishing the New York Marathon. My hat also goes off to the approximately 34,000 others who either attempted or succeeded in finishing the race. You folks also deserve kudos, as you’ve done something that no one can ever take away from you!

See you all next year!

Short version:

Lene Lovich at Joe’s Pub: religious experience

Motherfucker: not a religious experience

More later, if I’m so inclined.