Probot
Probot
Southern Lord

After much advance hype (2 years worth, by some accounts) and many, many rumors about what the project would be like, I finally received my promo copy of the debut release by Dave Grohl’s Probot side project right before the end of the year. For those who missed all the hype, Foo Fighter Grohl collaborates with a different classic thrash/hardcore/metal vocalist, all heroes of his, on each track of the Probot record, and gets help along the way from the likes of Soundgarden’s Kim Thayil and Jon “Bubba” Dupree of Void/Earth Eighteen fame. The results of these collaborations are nothing less than extraordinary, and capture the essence of the singer in question in nearly every case (there’s one notable exception, but it’s not a bad one…read on), while bringing them to a totally new, heavy place.

The record opens with “Centuries Of Sin”, featuring Cronos of the legendary Venom on vocals and bass duties. Mother of pearl, this is beautiful stuff! It’s everything I wanted the track to be, and then some…heavy, evil, and with an undeniable groove. Cronos is still in great shape, his signature growl intact, and the bass sound is unmistakably his from the first note. This is easily one of the best heavy songs of the past few years.

From there, the record continues at a breakneck pace through a variety of styles. We head to Sepultura/Soulfly’s Max Cavalera and his “Red War”, conjuring up a vintage Sep sound. Next up is the single, “Shake Your Blood”, featuring a man who needs no introduction…Lemmy, and a great approximation of the classic Motorhead sound. Then, we go to the frenetic “Access Babylon” featuring Corrosion Of Conformity’s Mike Dean sounding the best he has in ages, and the aforementioned Jon Dupree’s unmistakable crazy bends in the guitar solo. Great to hear you again, Bubba…hope all’s well in your world. D.R.I.’s Kurt Brecht is next with “Silent Spring”, and it WILL make you mosh like the D.R.I. man!

That brings us to the record’s other superhighlight, Cathedral’s Lee Dorrian and “Ice Cold Man”. Lee, who I recently interviewed on this site, is at the top of his game here, sounding every bit as rock solid and perhaps even more confident than he did on Cathedral’s excellent recent effort “The VIIth Coming”. It’s fantastic to see him shine the way he does, bolstered by Grohl’s and Kim Thayil’s twin guitar assault (the riffs on this are very “Vol. 4″, for you Sabbath fans in the audience). Here’s hoping that, among all these great artists who deserve renewed recognition, Lee’s track brings him and Cathedral a great deal of it, because they’re a tremendous band and great guys to boot.

The record shifts gears in a different way for a few songs at this point, picking up more of a stoner rock vibe ala Kyuss/Queens Of The Stone Age. Doom rock god Wino’s (what band HASN’T he been in?) “The Emerald Law” and, in a bit of a surprise (I told you it was coming), Tom G. Warrior of Celtic Frost’s “Big Sky” sound very, very QOTSA-ish (being a lover of the “To Mega Therion” record, I have to admit that I was hoping for something that sounded like that out of Tom…), but very good at the same time. They’re just not quite as…metal…as the first 6 tracks, so they took a little getting used to.

Onward from there, we come to Voivod’s Snake and “Dictatosaurus”, which is pretty true to the sound I recall Voivod having later on (they’re a band I’ve never really spent a lot of time with, but I am a little familiar…). This may be the poppiest track on the record, the only thing that sounds remotely similar to Dave’s Foo Fighters stuff, and again, while very different from the all-out-heaviness of the first half of the album, it’s very good.

As we head down the stretch, we get Trouble’s Eric Wagner and “My Tortured Soul”. I was never really able to get into Trouble, but this is an alright song, with the same sorta vibe as some of the heavier, later Beatles stuff (think “Helter Skelter”).

Finishing up the promo release (the full release, due out on Feb. 10th, features a secret bonus track; I won’t ruin the surprise outright, but I can tell you that I did meet the rumored guest vocalist from the secret track recently…people who know me can probably figure out who it is if they want to…) is King Diamond’s “Sweet Dreams” (also featuring some very Soundgarden-ish Kim Thayil guitars). This one did actually took a while to grow on me, because as King’s stuff goes, “Abigail” is probably my favorite record. He was at the top of the business back then, vocally speaking, and he used his crazy operatic range to near-ridiculous excess. Nowadays, King tends to save up the big notes he has left in him, being an older gentleman, and build toward them so they “mean more” so to speak. It takes some adjustment to get into, if you fixate on his mid-to-late 80’s stuff like I do, but give this a chance to grow on you two if you’re an “Abigail”/”Them” freak, as he really does tell a story with his notes here. It’s a nice finale to a fantastic album, surely to be among the best 2004 has to offer.

To sum up: Mr. Grohl, ya done us single, reclusive metal geeks with an unhealthy fixation with the Venom back catalog damn proud, and you did everyone you worked with great justice. Have one on me, boss!

Final Grade: even with the sometimes very noticable shifts in style from song to song, this one gets a big ol’ Fuckin’ A.

For more information on Probot, including the “Shake Your Blood” video, sound clips from the record, and Dave’s thoughts on each of the vocalists (including links to each of their sites), check out the Probot site.

From the people who brought you Motherfucker Day, now, there is a new holiday! From here on, the day before Super Bowl Sunday (typically the last Saturday in January), is now known as…

DICK JOKE SATURDAY!!!!!

Mark your calendars accordingly.

After being MIA for a while, I found what looks like a quality alt.tasteless archive at Juan’s Tasteless Toilet! I haven’t seen a really good “best of the best” archive of this stuff since the long-departed “Boogie’s House Of Obscenities” disappeared. There appears to be some Zamboni material here (which is how I found this), but I think it’s all stuff I have in his archive on this site. But, hell, with or without the Goat Poop Warrior, a healthy smattering (those words just don’t sound right in this context) of a.t. classics is always a welcome find! Kudos to Juan!

Yma Sumac

Thanks to Marc Almond’s mention of her in “Tainted Life: The Autobiography”, I became curious enough to track some of her music down. Crazy stuff. Just…crazy. To describe her sound in the most basic sense I can, I’ll use a comparison my usual audience may grasp easily: vocally, she’s like the Nina Hagen/Lene Lovich of the ’50’s, but that comparison is admittedly a disservice. It’s huge, wonderful, completely over-the-top stuff. I’m in love. Read about her on the site, and dig up some music if you can (or hover in my general vicinity sometime soon…I’m sure I’ll be playing the hell out of it.). Wow.

http://furries.meetup.com/

“I think i need hot and cold running London Broil.”
-Me, 5 minutes ago

…this piece: yep, the paragraph was definitely prophetic in a number of ways. Next subject…

I have slowly resumed work on my music as I was planning to, and I’ve certainly been out of the house less. Alas, I’ve also been awake far less, too, but hey, one thing at a time here.

LiveJournal communities have been cleaned up, closed down, and in one case, opened for business.

The Machine Gun Fellatio interview came through, thanks again to Pinky for that.

There were some problems with my RSS feed, but those have apparently been repaired.

I’m still not seeing a lot of my friends, but that’s got a lot to do with the sleep problems. Folks, it’s a bitch being me sometimes. I’m working on it, though. Slowly.

As for this site’s navigability (which was another big priority of mine), what do YOU think I should do to improve it? I’m at a loss, since most web sites appear to have been laid out for ants to read. Any suggestions are welcome.

Ultimately, little by little, it’s all shakin’ down. Slowly.

The guy who wrote this is a fool. This record rocks my fucking socks. It’s like someone threw Neil Young and Kraftwerk in a blender! Somehow, defying all logic, this mix works. Good shit.

Capt. Kangaroo, Ann Miller, and Helmut Newton’s deaths were all announced today.

Can you lay off of the “killing cool people” thing for at least the rest of the weekend?

Thanks in advance,
Scott Crawford

It’s a funny thing when you realize that a song you started writing years ago was written about what’s happening right now. Hopefully, I’ll be able to share it with you all soon.

“You’ve lost it, Scott.”

(in high-pitched voice) “He never had it!”

(in Cookie Monster voice) “Shut up!”

Maybe I’ll record audio of it later, so those of you who have never heard it will get the full effect.

P.S. I wonder how Amy’s doing these days. She was a good kid.

I still look at the world through the eyes of a kid. A kid who hates every one of his teachers and all those little cocksuckers on the playground too, but a kid nonetheless.

Everyone needs to go here. Just because. Buying stuff while there is a plus. Nah, fuck that “a plus” shit, it’s MANDATORY. Oh, and if you can’t, then go here and bid on some stuff. If you don’t see anything you like there, then email Russ and ask him if he has it. He just might.

That is all for now.

Christ, there are a lot of people in this band, and I’ll totally fuck up the names if I even try to name them all: Pinky Beecroft (center, in pimp-tastic red track suit) and the rest of Machine Gun Fellatio, who are going to call me on being the right cunt that I am for not naming each of them individually. If I’m lucky, anyway. Oh, fine, fuck it, let’s have a go at this, and let them at least kill me for getting a name wrong: (from left to right) KK Juggy, Brian Ferrysexual, Three K, Pinky Beecroft, The Love Shark, Chit Chat Von Loopinstab, The Widow Jones. Fucking ‘ell.
(Photo courtesy of MGF’s web site, uncredited)
I should totally be ashamed of myself. This has got to rank as one of the most slack interview procedures in the history of interviewing. Way back in October, Australian sleaze rock gods Machine Gun Fellatio came all the way around the world to get naked, take some drugs, and play a gig in…the upstairs room of a strip joint here in New York City (they also stopped in the UK and went on to California, but let’s not let that get in the way of good copy!). Plans were made at the time for singer/keyboardist/”cunt of the band” Pinky Beecroft and I to do an interview coinciding with the gig, which because of illness, I very sadly missed. Plans were adjusted for an email interview, and Pinky warned me in advance that I’d have to keep bugging him to remember it, because he’s a forgetful sort. So I did, and did so for a few months. During that time, Mr. Beecroft lost my questions at least once, apologized about twice as many times, and in a completely unrelated incident, his band opened for Robbie Williams and Duran Duran back home. Finally, about 2 weeks ago, Pinky delivered the goods: all my questions were answered, and the story was set. All I had to do was post them…a few days went by, a week, and now two weeks later, after my stellar attempt to look far less professional than my interview subject (who really was generous with his time) I’ve finally gotten off my ass to bring you all Pinky Beecroft: The My Big, Black Cock Interview. Thanks and apologies go out to Pinky and the rest of the MGF crew; hopefully, I’ll have the stamina for you kids next time you’re in the States, and I mean that in a few different ways, all of them good. You folks should check them out too if you haven’t already; they really need to be heard to be appreciated (and there are clips in the “Media” section of their site), as wordy, cunty little rock journalist descriptions of their sound do them no justice.
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Jeebus, this list took forever to put together, and was a great pain in the ass to do. Between the “ranking albums against each other thing” (which I’ll be abandoning on next year’s list as it’s really stupid. Fuck it, think of each of these albums as the best possible album you could buy in 2003…), the fact that there was a shortage of really GREAT records this year (which led to second-guessing a bunch of my choices over the process…a few were on until the very last minute, and disappeared), and the fact that it took me forever to track down copies of some releases that I felt were important ones (keep in mind, I don’t get promos from EVERYONE, and I am working on a very small budget), this was an exhausting process. But, having said that, I’m satisfied with the list I’ve put together, as well as the short list of Honorable Mentions that follows it. Each of the records in the Top 10 were released in 2003 by the artists, and listened to in 2003 by me. (A few of the “Honorable Mentions” came in just after the New Year, or they might’ve had a good chance of making the Top 10.)

Warning: neither the new White Stripes or Outkast record appear on this list.

“Seven Nation Army” may be a very good song, and may have been EVERYWHERE this year, but hell, you couldn’t avoid that Blind Melon song with the Bee Girl in the video a few years back, either. The rest of “Elephant” didn’t really set me on fire, just like a lot of “White Blood Cells” left me cold.

I have only one thing to say about the Outkast record: you’re all being duped. Go buy some Rick James records for Christ’s sake. So what if he burned some chick with a crack pipe? At least he never tried to steal the already-annoying Violent Femmes’ sound and make it even more annoying by adding drum ‘n’ bass elements to it for a gimmick.

Sorry, had to slip those in before we got to the good stuff, but enough! It is time! “And awaaaaaaaaaaay we go!”
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