There have been some rumblings recently about a backlash against social networking sites like Friendster, Tribe.net, Orkut and the like. To a lesser extent, the same rumblings have existed about weblogs for a while now, particularly those on LiveJournal, which shares some characteristics with the above sites. The problems that people have with these sites are simple, and they break down into a few categories. As I describe the issues that people seem to be having, I’ll offer my suggestions on how to deal with them as painlessly as possible, and make your experiences with social networking and weblogging what they should be…fun.
Point Number One: Make Sure That You’re “Ready For Your Closeup”
These sites put people in the position of being “public” people who can be accessed by anyone at any time, and plenty of folks aren’t ready for that, even if they want to be “famous” or had prior experience with it like high-profile “friend-of-a-friend” site detractors Warren Ellis and Cory Doctorow. These sites (like LiveJournal before them) are essentially a clearinghouse for personas, and they have lonely, bored people looking through them 24 hours a day. If your persona is interesting, attractive, or popular enough to attract those peoples’ attention, you’ve already given them some level of consent to become involved in your life (even if it’s from a distance) by registering for the site. People in general, even ones like Ellis who enjoy a considerable fanbase from their offline activities, are going through some growing pains in regards to this, as even the lowest-profile users of Friendster-esque sites and weblogs attract attention from people seeking to make a connection with them. I’ve been watching this phenomenon on LJ for years now, and people really do have a hard time with it. It doesn’t help the adjustment process much when you have folks out there who feast on misfortune and social ineptitude for the content of their own sites (I’ll abstain from providing those links…they’re easy enough to find if you want to waste your time on it.), but such is the nature of the beast.
Speaking as someone who already lived through the nervous breakdown associated with a degree of sudden, possibly unwanted fame, it can be quite a shock, and you deal with it in strange ways. It took me a long time to make any sort of peace with being “the guy from Propaganda” (for those just tuning in, I was a model and writer for the magazine from 1990-1995, between the ages of 16-21…), so I relate to some of the frustrations I hear about from webloggers and people who get harassed on Friendster and such often. The thing about both my decision to take the job I did when I was 16 and their decision to establish and develop a web presence is that they are just that…decisions. Just as dressing in a heavily pretentious manner for beer money was for me, the Internet’s still largely an opt-in thing, and being a personality on the Internet is completely opt-in. Before you choose to begin something like a public online (or offline) life, you should carefully examine the possible effects of your actions, and whether or not you think you’ll be able to cope. Talk to some people who’ve been there already, and see if their experience sounds like one you’d like to have. If you haven’t already jumped headfirst into doing a weblog or being on any number of social networks, give some forethought and do some research on what your life might become if you do.
Point Number Two: Understand The Intended Purpose Of The Sites
To continue on the “lack of forethought” point a bit, but in a different direction…a lot of people get involved with these sites “to see what the fuss is about”, or “because their friends are doing it”. *Insert analogy about jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge here* Neither of these reasons is really a valid one, when you consider that “opting in” is something that will greatly impact your Internet experience and your “real life” offline.
If you’re doing a weblog, you are in effect saying that you want the world at large to know what’s going on inside your head on whatever subject you choose to write about, be it what Buffy The Vampire Slayer character you’re similar, what your thoughts on current politics are, or who you were sleeping with behind your significant other’s back last weekend. While it’s true that some sites like LiveJournal offer “friends-only” and “private” security levels, it’s a naive, foolish notion to think that no one will ever slip up and discuss what you write in protected entries, or look at your monitor when you’ve mistakenly left your account logged in. There are no secrets on the ‘net, folks; once something’s online, eventually, people you didn’t want reading it or wouldn’t have even thought of as potential readers will read it. The Internet is the world’s largest paper trail. Be prepared for this before you post a single word online.
On a similar note, if you’re signing up for a service whose intended purpose is to help people make new friends and contact old ones, don’t be surprised, frustrated, or annoyed when people contact you looking to be your friend. You signed up for the site knowing this, remember? It could be a good thing (I’ve re-established contact with people I’d been missing for years, and met plenty of cool new people), or it could suck (ex-lovers, people you hated at school/work, or complete strangers who are a little weird even by your liberal standards). Ideally, you actually did want to make new friends and find old ones when you clicked that “create account” button. The Internet (and the world in general) can certainly use every single friendly person it can find right now.
My best advice on dealing with unwanted attempts at contact is to be polite but firm. The vast majority of the people involved won’t harass you over it (and it’s very easy to contact a web site’s abuse department if they do). Set clear boundaries for yourself (and possibly in your public profile; if you don’t want total strangers contacting you, say so in your profile. Some people do actually respect your wishes.) and stick to them, but do try and be polite in the process unless the person’s given you ample reason not to be, and even then, don’t get yourself worked up over it. These are supposed to be recreational activities, after all.
If the volume of contact attempts is the problem, you have options there as well. On most if not all of these sites, you can turn off email notification of new incoming messages in your account preferences (some even give you numerous options for which types of message notification you’d like to receive). Once you’ve done this, you can deal with the messages at your convenience when you log into the site(s). It can be a pain on a site like Friendster where the site crawls due to overworked servers, but if this is too much of a problem for you, you’re free to not patronize Friendster!
This applies to whatever site you have problems with. I deleted my Myspace account because I found it nearly impossible to make any sort of meaningful connection with the type of people their userbase is comprised of (I’ll put it as diplomatically as my nature allows; they’re casual Internet users, and “casual” people in general…). Your mileage may certainly vary, though. No one’s putting a gun to your head saying “SIGN UP AND GET A MILLION PEOPLE IN YOUR PERSONAL NETWORK NOOOOOOOW!!!!!”
If your curiosity or need to contact people is too strong to just not use a particular site, you do also have the option of going in, contacting the people you need to, letting them know how to get in touch with you, and leaving the site. For now, these sites are free, and you don’t have to invest too much of yourself on profile creation and such if you don’t want to.
Point Number Three: The “There’s too damn many of them!” Factor
As companies smell money and market share, the social networking and weblogging landscape will become even more crowded than it has already. As new sites pop up, people get frustrated because they spent all sorts of time establishing themselves on the last site, which is now overcrowded, sporting ridiculous load times, and lacks that new web site smell that they have when you haven’t discovered everything on them yet. “Oh, great. Now I have to start over?” That’s totally up to you.
Having used the big four FOAF sites extensively (and LiveJournal even more extensively), my advice is to either get comfortable on whatever one(s) you like the interface on best (keep a backup choice in mind in case any of these somewhat volatile startups does go under), and be prepared in advance for migration.
If you’ve already been there and put the work into adding people, I suggest leaving your Friendster profile up. The site may not work well at the moment, but it’s a huge database of users that you’re already connected to. If you haven’t started on Friendster yet, don’t start now unless you hear significant news about improved site performance. Their servers are totally bogged down.
As for sites I use every day, Orkut (being the new kid) is currently the most lively; plenty of design issues with the site still, but none of these things have nailed the concept on the first try. Tribe.net is also solid (and the most reliable in terms of web site performance), but it needs some help with the userbase; they’re very California-centric. I don’t think the site’s been properly promoted outside of the San Francisco Bay Area, and it shows in the volume, location, and interests of the users. Myspace, I’ve already discussed, but you may like it better than I did. The rest, I’d take a “wait and see” attitude with. If you’re just getting into this now, Orkut and Tribe.net would be the two I’d go with.
On the subject of migrating from site to site, I actually keep a small text file with my user profile for these sites handy, so I can more or less drag-and-drop my personality into them as they’re created. It may seem dorky to put that much prep into something like this (and it is!), but I’m curious enough about the technology (and how it does connect people with each other) to continue kicking the tires on the new ones, and I like to be able to set up shop quickly and easily. You might not want to put the time into creating what’s essentially a social resume, but I think it’s worth the few minutes of cut-and-paste work.
Rebuilding your network on the sites is something you shouldn’t go nuts doing. Simply leave a message on either the bulletin board or your profile at your current “home” telling people how to get ahold of you, and if you really want to get a jump on adding folks that may be on the new site, search for them at your leisure. I’ve had a Friendster count in the mid-140’s for a while (not HUGE, but respectable, and comprised nearly entirely of people I’d had prior contact with before Friendster), but none of my other friend lists have approached that (the next highest is Tribe.net, currently at 47). Work at your own pace; you’ll find who you want to, and they’ll find you.
In the end, you do still have plenty of options on whether to use these sites and services, and further, how to use them. I’ve outlayed some tips on how to keep your use of them as stress-free as possible, most of which involve simply considering the effects of your actions before taking them. That’s important in all areas of life. It’s also really important to remember that things like weblogs and social networking exist for our entertainment and the entertainment of others. If you’re not having fun doing something, take some time away from it and see if you can find some other things to do that you will have fun with.
If you want to find me on LiveJournal, I’m “scottcrawford” (and I also syndicate the articles from my main site at “cockfeed”). I’m also on Friendster, Tribe.net, and Orkut under my email address, suck@mybigblackcock.com Feel free to drop me a line at that address if you need an Orkut invite (the site’s in invite-only beta at the moment), if you want to discuss what I’ve written here privately, or if you just want to make a friend.
