Y’all know I never read your comments, right? LiveJournal never made it easy for people to keep track of when comments happen on syndicated feeds, so if you comment there, I probably miss it. Best to email me or comment on the big site. If you’re one of those po’ bitches who needs everything to be “work safe”, email me here and I should get it. I still think you people need to rise up and smash Whitey, though.

…I should be more inclined to post here. This is good. After looking at what we have in front of us, I actually feel good about telling people that this is my web site again, and feel like this is the kind of place I could hang around in for a spell. It’s been a while, to be honest.

Now, to decide what I’m doing with my other two domains. I have (or have had) definite things in mind for both reverendscottcrawford.com (which, if you’ll notice, I tested this theme out on first) and antimatteruniverse, but everything in my life, never mind everything about my ‘net presence, has been in such disarray for so long. It’s been ugly. There are no guarantees that I’ll be able to build on what I’ve done in the past 24 hours right away, or deal with anything that I have to do 5 minutes from now, but now is still nice. I’m beginning to think that I need to stop worrying so much about what to be overwhelmed with next, and just enjoy whatever I’m overwhelmed with right now.

“Younger Face”

Another five and dime, local would-be legend
Well you’re nearly done, so you better just let it ride
Kinda sad now, you’re outdated
Nothing special, in fact you’re fated
for the younger face to take your place
screamin’ step aside
He’s steppin’ on your pride

And if you’re gonna bore us to death with those worn out war stories
at least have the decency to buy us all another round
Kinda strange now, you don’t matter
in fact you better be quick to flatter
the younger face come and take your place
Don’t it bring you down?
And this used to be your town…

He sticks out his hand, smiles and says
“hey, thanks for the memories”
As he turns and walks away
he’s taking everything you used to be

All the young lions laugh and point in your direction
Was it really that long ago that you stood inside their shoes?
Your final scene comes down so tragic
Here he comes, as if by magic
The younger faces come and take your place
Man, you’re yesterday’s news
Got nothin’ left to lose

The younger face come to take your place x 2
The younger face, to take your place

Thanks to Dan Baird himself for proof-reading what I had on this, since his solo lyrics are pretty hard to find online. The album the song is on is called “Buffalo Nickel”, and while I’d love to see some of the money from the sales of it actually go to Dan, I don’t think it still does. Please feel free to correct me if I’m wrong here, because I’d rather see Dan make money than Rick Rubin. Until that happens, hit half.com, they should still have it cheap.

This may or may not be something that resembles the new layout for My Big, Black Cock that I’ve been promising forever. This definitely will be an evolving thing, though. And by “evolving” I mean “you’ll never, ever see that fuck-awful default WordPress 1.5 layout here again if I have anything to say about it”. Stay tuned, and if you’re familiar with WP 1.5 or cascading style sheets, feel free to drop me a line and offer help, since I’m fucking pathetic with this sort of thing.

(This theme, by the way, is a butchered version of Black-Letterhead, which I found here.)

Moved it from TextAmerica to Flickr, which is what the cool kids use these days, those douchebags. Let’s see if the relocation inspires me to post pictures more often.

The Overnightscape had Astrid Bin from mymilliondollaryear.net and I on the show for today, July 21st! Listen now! I don’t do a lot of talking on this edition (Astrid’s the one with the event going on right now), but it’s a solid show, and you should all listen to it! If you use iTunes 4.9, you should also subscribe to The Overnightscape’s RSS feed, so you can experience Frank Edward Nora-like magic 5 days a week, downloaded directly into iTunes!

Links, in case you don’t feel like trying to parse this:

The Overnightscape
Today’s edition of The Overnightscape, featuring Astrid Bin of mymilliondollaryear.net and I
My Million Dollar Year
My Million Dollar Year’s Myspace profile (add it!)
My Big, Black Cock

Maybe I should wait until I’m not exhausted to write again.

Maybe I should just shut up in general.

Unfortunately for my detractors, myself chief among them, it isn’t going to happen.

I sit here past 5:30 in the morning on what’s just about a Monday by my watch (I’ve always gone by TV Guide Time rather than GMT, and “signoff” marks the end of one day and the beginning of another for me, rather than Midnight), having returned to a couch I’ve barely moved from for most of this year after being out in the world for a few days, and it almost feels like all of the good that took place out there, all of the fun I had, and every bit of connecting I did with the people I spent time around was erased the moment the initial distractions of returning home subsided enough for me to realize I was here again. What’s more, I don’t think I did my best work while I was out there. I’m not myself anymore than I’m whoever I’m expected to be, and it shows in everything I do. The people who care about me, when I make eye contact with them, even at my better moments, it’s as if I get this look back, through no fault of anyone’s, like they’re looking at a dead or dying person. And no, oddly enough, I don’t think it has much to do with my physical health.

Whatever’s wrong with me there, it’ll either be managable or it won’t. I’ll either live comfortably, live with various levels of discomfort, or die. Whatever. It will inevitably come up, because it’s my reality at the moment, but I’m kind of tired of talking about that shit. Even if the problem’s not done, the subject is. The thing that really makes me feel like a dead man, washed up, too worn out to fight but too stupid to crawl in a hole and pull the dirt over myself, isn’t what my body may or may not be doing. It’s the fact that I’m here on this fucking couch again, still feeling the way I did before I left it (which, as always, was a struggle), and there isn’t a goddamned person on Earth who I’d want to be here with me right now who would or could be here, and there isn’t enough energy in me to make myself into the kind of person that’d compel them to do so.

At some point in my life, any real confidence I had (if it existed) was completely and utterly destroyed, and it managed to gradually take everything else down with the ship, including quite possibly my health. I’m pretty sure that I don’t have enough fight in me to deal with this alone at this point. I’m not a firm believer in higher powers, arbitrary numbers of steps, hard liquor, recreational drugs, legal state-mandated recreational drugs, or any talk of aliens that parts schmuck celebrities from their hardly earned money, but as so-called “monkeys” go, I would trade just about anything dear to me right now for a single desirable person who wanted to love me as much as I want to love them. Short of that, I’m really unable to see a single fucking shred of hope for myself. If that doesn’t scare you as much as it scares me, then it sure as fuck scares anyone who’d consider applying for the job.

It’s disappointing to me, because for whatever reason they have, I know that there are people who will read this that think I’m something special in some way or another, when really, all I feel like is another one of those people who we all know that cease to function when they’re not part of a relationship. I hate to sit here and piss on anyone’s illusions about who or what I am, if they still exist, but I hate not telling the truth even more, and this is the truth. If that lets anyone else down, I’m sorry, but I’m not going to lie. I’m basically done for when I’m alone, and I’ve now been alone for longer than I have in my entire life. Some lines of thought would say “Hey, you’ve lasted this long!”, but if this is what survival feels like, fuck survival.

Then, I sit here and think about every person I’ve driven away with my moods and my mistakes and my penchant to pick away at people, and wonder about myself, wonder if it would even be such a good thing to let someone get that close, if, God forbid, they actually wanted to. Hell, over the past few days, I’ve seen behavior in myself that I’ve been really unhappy with. I’m withdrawn a lot of the time, I never let anything go, and I sat here tonight and jumped down the throat of possibly the only person on Earth who’s still acting in a way that suggests having a romantic interest in me. I feel like I have a few valid reasons to be a bit apprehensive there, but not to conversationally disembowel them when all they were doing was saying hello.

I don’t fucking know. I have no answers, I’m out of ideas, and if I haven’t done further damage to my situation by writing all of this out, then I’ll get to it after I’ve slept, assuming that I actually can sleep when I try.

“I think I’ve reached that point
Where giving up and going on
Are both the same dead end to me
Are both the same old song”

The hell with it, I quoted the Cure lyrics anyway. If I’m going to be terrible, I might as well cover all of the bases. It’s not like a girl’s going to read this, make it this far in still interested in me, and then have a verse’s worth of lyrics be a dealbreaker, and if it is, fuck it.

After a bit of tweaking, when you mouseover the Forecastfox forecasts in my browser, the tooltip now displays the “Chance Of Bullshit”, followed by the chance of precipitation on a given day.

In addition, my web browser’s name is currently “Douchebag Asscougar”. You will receive periodic updates on the status of this for the rest of recorded history, or my recorded history, anyway.

Since not enough of you have volunteered your del.icio.us usernames, I’ve also broken down and thrown the “Just added to del.icio.us” RSS feed into Thunderbird, so I’ll get a semi-complete view of what the wankers who use the site are reading (it only shows the 100 most recent bookmarks every time it loads, and well over 100 sites are bookmarked every 30 minutes).

I added the RSS feed of whatever mp3 links get posted to del.icio.us to iTunes about a week ago, and it’s fucking great. A steady influx of random shit, available for download direct into iTunes. Somehow, someone on the ‘net just KNEW that I wanted to hear “The Power Of Independent Trucking” by Big Black the other day.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, I think del.icio.us fucking rules. RSS rules even more. Combine the two, and unspeakable evil is possible. :D

For instance, I’ve also added RSS feeds of a few of the bigger torrent sites, since they’re using RSS feeds these days, to see what pointless bullshit people are pirating at any given moment. I barely use torrents these days. Maybe I’ll actually find a reason to if I do this. Maybe not.

These are the sort of things I do rather than leaving the house, having a social life, or getting laid these days. I bombard myself with what’s practically become an IV feed of mostly useless information. Now you too can soak it in, just like me. I promise it won’t do anything to your red blood cell count.

Pay my fucking hosting, pigs.

Dan Baird’s “Younger Face”

I wish I could dig up lyrics for it somewhere, but they’re not coming easily via Google. Just download, listen and enjoy. You have Dan’s permission, I believe.

Update: lyrics here, courtesy of Dan. The album the song is on is called “Buffalo Nickel”, and while I’d love to see some of the money from the sales of it actually go to Dan, I don’t think it still does, but hit half.com, they should still have it cheap.

Hey kids, remember this?

Well, just to see what would happen, I posted 2 of my own mp3s to del.icio.us.

As it turns out, they showed up in the RSS feed mentioned in the Lifehacker article I linked above immediately, and after checking my web stats this morning, it seems that 42 people have downloaded 1 track from there into their iTunes 4.9, and 36 have downloaded the other. I have no idea if they listened. The only contact info in either mp3’s comments is in the ID3 tags, and it’s just the URL of my MySpace page in the comments on the track (I’ll be reuploading those soon, and switching that info to the album name). But, as a proof-of-concept thing, I managed to cause over 70 downloads of my music amongst people who may very well have no idea who the fuck I am or what I sound like. Pretty cool, if you ask me.

Interestingly, I think del.icio.us was blocking requests from iTunes for most of yesterday, but they’ve reopened the pipes since. I’m still curious as to whether or not the intellectual property warlords (to borrow from Jo Jo Diamond a bit) will try and put a stop to iTunes 4.9 as it is, because it’s so open right now.

http://music.aol.com/live_8_concert/live_now

Edit: It’s actually easier, but a little on the small side, to watch the stuff on the AOL page unfortunately (and they’ve started listing who’s on with each link), but for those of you who want to escape AOL’s page and just watch in Media Player…

(copy and paste these URLs into Media Player if the direct links don’t work)

Global Feed

London

Philadelphia

Toronto

Berlin

Rome

Paris

Here’s the list of who’s performing where. If you were hoping to see U2, Coldplay, Duran Duran, Elton John or Bjork, you missed ‘em already.