…of anyone who goes to Necrocomicon this weekend and gets O.J. Simpson to sign a butcher knife for me.

(Thanks to Deadspin for pointing this out.)

I can’t wait to hear the reaction from the hipper-than-thous in the audience, but Vain’s new album, “On The Line”, is really great shit, one of the few bright spots in a very subpar year for music. Highly recommended.

Earache mashups. Yeah, like Godflesh vs. Destiny’s Child and shit. Enjoy.

In case you missed it in Deadspin or elsewhere, Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen has an email address. Being the type of person that likes to communicate with people (even those who I don’t agree with so much), I thought I’d send him a letter. Since his inbox is full right now, I am reprinting the letter here, just in case he’s a My Big, Black Cock reader, and I will be trying to resend the email periodically until it gets through.

“Dear Mr. Guillen,

I, like many others, have noticed your ballclub slipping in the standings, and quite a few people seem to think that Cleveland are about to take the division lead from you. Now, that part’s neither here nor there for me. I don’t have any great stake in the AL Central race. However, I do have a small favor to ask of you and the White Sox. If you’re going to slip in the standings like this, could you do us Yankee fans a favor and at least finish with a better record than Boston so we can have a post-season off from them? We’re really sick of looking at the Red Sox. Even without Pedro, the mere mention of them gives us a headache.

Thanks in advance for your cooperation and understanding in this matter.

Sincerely,
Scott Crawford
Webmaster, My Big, Black Cock.
http://www.mybigblackcock.com/

P.S. Kudos on having an excellent Topps rookie card.”

Seriously, tell me this isn’t a great friggin’ baseball card, especially for a rookie card:

If I hear back from Ozzie, I’ll let you all know how it goes.

Life’s weird.

I have that feeling, one I get all too often, where I’m totally speeding, even though I haven’t had any caffeine, I’m not on any other drugs (of course), and I haven’t had any sugar in hours. It’s a total, full adrenaline rush with nowhere to go, this feeling like something exciting is either about to happen or like it NEEDS to.

I’m having all sorts of feelings like I need to sell everything and leave where I am, like I need major, drastic change, but I’m way too scattered to make it happen. What I’m doing right now is about the only thing I’m able to cope with doing at the moment. There’s so much else I could be doing, so many projects-in-progress that I just can’t do anything with. Mental block in full effect.

No one’s going to do this shit for me, though, and just bitching about it doesn’t equal page views, so I’ll do whatever I can, even if it isn’t that much. Despite all this energy I have, it’s a struggle to move most days.

Andrew W.K. covers the “Mickey Mouse Club” theme, courtesy of the totally awesome awkshare.com

I found out from Kate Bush News that Kate Bush’s new single, “King Of The Mountain”, will be premiered on BBC Radio 2′s Ken Bruce Show today, September 21st, at around 10 AM GMT (5 AM Eastern), and indeed, Ken confirmed it at the beginning of his show this morning.

Listen here, in a little under a half hour (5:07 AM Eastern Time). If you miss it, you can go here for the next week, but not until sometime after Noon GMT (7 AM Eastern) when the show ends, or alternately, you can poke around at Ken Bruce’s page and see what’s what.

Update: listened, and while it’s not “Suspended In Gaffa”, it’s not “Rubberband Girl” either, thank God. She’s still in good voice, it seems, and it’s not a bad song. Not a song I would’ve used as a lead single (but then again, neither was “The Sensual World”), but all in all, I don’t want to cry and/or apologize for getting anyone all hyped up about this. As an amusing aside, Ken Bruce followed the track up with Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ On A Prayer”. They have Bon Jovi in England? Dang.

Part II: How To Use My Big, Black Cock.

There is no right way or wrong way to use this site, but I’d like to suggest a few things that may enhance your experience here.

• First up, register for the motherfucker and comment once in a while if you like (or hate) what you’re reading. However, if you’re uncomfortable with all of this registering and commenting business for whatever your reasons, you can always email me at suck@mybigblackcock.com. (Note to those of you who follow this site on LiveJournal via “cockfeed”: commenting there is a bad idea, because it’s a total crapshoot as to whether I’ll see it or not, so if you can help it, don’t comment there.)
• Next, if you are familiar with how to use RSS, I strongly recommend subscribing to our syndicated feed. If you’re not familiar with RSS, I recommend becoming familiar, because it does a great fucking job of optimizing the web browsing experience. New content from sites you like comes to you when you use RSS, which is a great improvement over the previous dynamic, best described as “Let me sit here reloading the fuck out of the sites I read daily in the vain hope that they’ll jack me off, and if I’m lucky, I’ll also remember to check those sites that don’t update as often. Wait…I can’t even remember to feed the fucking goldfish.”
• The main content of the site appears in the main field of it (the main field is too narrow, but I’m not in the mood to fuck around with it just yet). The auxilliary content, which includes off-site content (such as my contributions at Flickr, del.icio.us, LiveJournal, MySpace and last.fm), appears to the right of the main field, in the menu sidebar. Check the auxilliary content whenever you visit this site, as it is dynamically updated and evolves as much as the rest of the site does. In addition, if you follow the links to my content on external sites, RSS feeds are available for many of them. For the love of God, I urge you to subscribe to all of them, in order to fill your life with meaning, your heart with song, and your member with…oh, forget it.
• If you don’t like something you see or read here, please read our disclaimer before you contact us with guns blazing. If your complaint isn’t one addressed in the disclaimer, then suck@mybigblackcock.com and we’ll have at it. Chances are, there isn’t a hell of a lot you’ll be able to do to sway me from my position, but maybe I’ll be able to talk you into sleeping with me during our discussion of the matter.
• Finally for now, if you’d like My Big, Black Cock to cover whatever swill you’re slinging (arts, music, movies, television, games, books, live events, crudely drawn fisting how-to diagrams, whatever), please suck@mybigblackcock.com and we’ll consider it, unless you include attachments in your email. If you include any unsolicited attachments in your email, we’ll do really bad shit to you and your family.

Floor’s open again. If you have questions about the features of this site, or suggestions that will improve the enjoyment of the userbase, give’r.

Part I: An Introduction To My Big, Black Cock

Hello. I’m Scott Crawford, and if you’re new here, or returning after a while, welcome to My Big, Black Cock.

This site, which is approximately 5 years old in its current incarnation (and acting every day of it) and 9 overall, is devoted to discussing whatever the hell I and my sporadic guest contributors are in the mood to discuss. I do reviews sometimes, but not so much lately. I’ve done interviews, but not in a while, usually too much in the way of politics involved in doing them. Sometimes the discourse here is somewhat worldly, but often it doesn’t leave my house, because I rarely do. Sometimes, things get pretty heavy, and others, I talk about how great it’d be to see Godzilla fucking the shit out of something. To quote one of those erstwhile contributors I mentioned earlier, “I do what I want.” Ideally, you’ll be so enamored by this process that you’ll be compelled to sell your unborn children to me, but realistically, you’ll probably visit this site after being prompted to by thinking “I wonder what the hell that guy’s up to?”. I love being “that guy”. Love it like a rupture.

In Part II, I’ll be discussing some of the features of this site, and how you can optimize your My Big, Black Cock experience. Until then, the floor’s open. If you’ve got questions about me or this site, ask them, and make me feel like you all give a damn. Oh, and buy me some shit I don’t need, willya? Grandma ain’t been spoiled in a while.

Why hasn’t Godzilla ever done a porno flick?

My browser’s called “Extreme Superlemming” right now.

Firesomething

“Do it. Do it. DO IT.”

The NYPD Podcast

They really need to get someone with a goofier voice, like maybe Lloyd Lindsay Young, or Billy Bob Thornton doing his “Sling Blade” voice.