HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO AMSTERDAM

Finally, Hollywood has woken up to the needs of the people!

D’Brickashaw Ferguson

I haven’t been this excited about non-baseball team sports since that huge Chinaman started playing basketball in the States.

National Day Of Slayer (06/06/06)

The new Deicide album comes out the same day, actually (and I’m reasonably sure that they had the release date planned before Slayer did; the Slayer album’s really late from what I understand, pretty sure it was due last October or November), so it will be a good day.

(Thanks to Murray for pointing this one out.)

Teh Tila has signed with Will from the Blackeyed Peas’ record label.

WHY, TILA?!?!?! WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

…to Rich’s IT guy, since I know he’s readin’ this. ‘Sup, y0?

Black hoodie. Size XXL, so it’s nice and baggy. Gimme.

Good morning, and welcome to My Big, Black Cock’s first-ever coverage of the Boston Marathon. As I type this, the mobility-impaired runners have started already (10 AM start), and the wheelchair race should be starting any minute. Outdoor Life Network are beginning their coverage at 11:30, just prior to the start of the elite womens’ race, if you’d like to tune in and follow along.

According to the Boston site, some of the favorites in this year’s mens’ race are Wilson Onsare (2nd place finisher in last year’s Boston Marathon), Ben Maiyo, John Korir, ’03 and ’04 winners Robert Kipkoech Cheruiyot and Timothy Cherigat (I’ve seen the last two in New York, both are very capable), as well as Olympic Trials winner Alan Culpepper and Meb Keflezighi (profiled here earlier this year, and 3rd in the last New York race) from the American contingent.

On the womens’ side, Reika Tosa of Japan, 2005 New York winner Jelena Prokopcuka (she also won Osaka, really strong runner), Italy’s Bruna Genovese, Rita Jeptoo of Kenya and Olivera Jevtic of Serbia and Montenegro are the favorites.

The weather is about 50 degrees and windy, and the wind should be a huge factor. The women are getting ready to…there they go! RUNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

11:36: reports out of Boston have Meb Keflezighi suffering from some back troubles, but he’s not a scratch from the race, and his trainer doesn’t seem to think it’ll be a big deal. We’ll keep you posted.

11:55: Tosa is leading the elite womens’ pack through the first 2 miles. Nice profile on the Hoyts, a father-son running team (Rick, the son, is wheelchair-bound) who are actually caught up to the elite women. Also a bit on the “Iraq Boston Marathon”, which took place earlier today on an air base in southern Iraq, with our troops competing it in 96 degree weather. Ouch. Elite men starting in 5 minutes.

12:00: just got a glimpse of the wheelchair pack, moving along at a steady pace. And now, the elite men and the first pack of the regulars!

RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s so weird that they have to let the regular runners go off in several packs! Boston cannot HANDLE the marathon!

12:06: OLN’s cameras aren’t so great, lots of glitching as they were showing the regular runners taking off. Get on the ball, new-ish cable network!

12:11: Ernst Van Dyk, who’s got a 5 year streak of Boston wins going (and who we’ve seen in New York), is haulin’ ass at the head of the wheelchair race now. Tosa and Propkopcuka are at the lead of the womens’ pack still, with Kenya’s Jeptoo right behind. John Yuda of Tanzania leads the mens’ pack and was pressing the pack, but they’ve caught up, with both Meb and Alan Culpepper right behind him.

12:30: Tosa still sending a message by staying in first. Second wave about to take off…

RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

12:36 : These cameras are awful. Al Trautwig has a GREAT jacket on, though! Nice leather number, Al! Yuda, Keflezighi, Maito 1-3 at the last checkpoint but Meb looks like he’s fallen behind a bit and is hanging in the center of the pack. Tosa looks great. She’s got REALLY long legs. I’m not a long-distance running expert by any means, so I’ve no idea if those give her an advantage or not (readers?), but they sure are long. Edith Hunkeler with a modest lead on the womens’ wheelchair pack.

12:40: If I may be wildly inappropriate for a moment, how hot do you think it just made the elite womens’ pack to be running past Wellesley College with all the girls screaming at them? ;)

12:49: Ernst Van Dyk in the home stretch, just about to approach South Church and winning his 6th straight Boston Marathon in the wheelchair division! Finishing time: 1:25:28! Congrats to him!

Mens’ race: Maiyo of Kenya in first, with Meb 2nd and Merga of Ethiopia in 3rd. They’ve separated from the rest of the lead pack by maybe a half a block.

Womens’ race: Still Tosa, Prokopcuka and Jeptoo, pace slightly quicker at mile 14, but the wind’s also picking up. 7 in the lead pack.

1:02: Lead mens’ pack in front of Wellesley now! Women screaming for the men, too! WELLESLEY COLLEGE IS BISEXUAL, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! Meb’s giving them the thumbs up. You know he’s headed back to Wellesley after he finishes. Maiyo, Keflezighi and Merga (who’s slipping a little) 1-3 still.

Big development in the womens’ race! Prokopcuka has taken the lead, and Tosa is back in 4th, fading some!

Edith Hunkeler is heading into Kenmore Square now, about to win the womens’ wheelchair race! Push, Edith, push! This will be Hunkeler’s first Boston victory! What the hell is with that motorcycle cop getting in her way? Give her some room, buddy! She’s hauling ass! The bells of South Church can be heard, the finish line is in view…and Edith Hunkeler wins the womens’ wheelchair race, with a time of 1:43:41! Congrats, Edith!

1:16: Mile 14. Interesting factoid about Merga in the mens’ race: this is his first marathon EVER. He’s been doing half-marathons, but never gone The Full Monty. Maiyo is looking confident, about a block ahead of the other 2 in the top 3. Meb looks like he’s laboring here, but that’s common. Fast pace for the elite men here. The second pack is 11 seconds or so behind the top 3.

Womens’ lead pack down to 4 at mile 18. Genovese is leading right now, and the other three that we’ve been following all day (Tosa, Prokopcuka and Jeptoo) are still hanging in there.

1:26: Edith Hunkeler was absolutely ecstatic as they were interviewing her here. Can’t stop smiling. Great story.

Maiyo still leading, Cheruiyot (who has apparently been training with 2005 NYC winner and marathon world record holder Paul Tergat) has surged to take 2nd. Meb looks like he’s in freefall, sadly. We’ll see if he recovers. Merga out of sight.

1:36: The wimmens are 5 miles from the finish line! Still the same top 3 we’ve had all day. Fantastic showing there. Tosa back in first, Jeptoo in second and Prokopcuka in 3rd, right behind Jeptoo. Maybe a length separating 1st and 2nd/3rd. They’re doing about a 5:38 mile over the past few.

1:38: Maiyo and Cheruiyot are neck and neck at the 19 mile mark, Meb’s not in view of the camera (and the feed seems to improved, thank you, OLN).

1:40: Cheruiyot takes the lead! Meb’s 800 meters back according to OLN, but firmly in 3rd. Always a bridesmaid. Cheruiyot looks REALLY strong right now, moreso than Maiyo did a few miles ago. He totally played possum for most of this race. Some talk of Culpepper trying to move up, at least into the top 5.

1:43: Hey, OLN, how about showing us the other, oh, 22,000 people running the race? Been a while!

1:45: Jeptoo has taken the lead in the womens’ race! Tosa looks spent, but she’s still in 3rd. Prokopcuka is still in this too in 2nd, but she looks stronger than Tosa. 2 miles to go there.

Cheruiyot is now KILLING Maiyo with 4 miles to go. He ran a 4:41 in mile 22! Great stuff.

1:51: Been a while.

RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Culpepper in 4th now. Jeptoo heading into Kenmore Square. I hate commercials. I hate hockey. I hate that they’re using that one Bravery song in a Saturn commercial now. Bring back the race!

1:53: Prokopcuka is still hanging in during the final mile, 6 seconds back now with 3/4 of a mile left. Cheruiyot is now demolishing the course record! This is getting exciting! Tosa is still in the picture, but probably done. Here they come, 5 blocks to go! RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Prokopcuka pulling closer, but Jeptoo accelerating! Here’s the line! RUNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!! Rita Jeptoo wins, 2:23:37! Congrats! Prokopcuka in 2nd, about 10 seconds back, and Tosa in 3rd, looking annihilated.

1:59: 2 miles to go, Cheruiyot hauling all kinds of ass, but tiring. Rita Jeptoo with her trophy and her wreath, nice recovery, she was lookin’ a little harsh after the race. He’s heading toward the Citgo sign, overhead shot of Fenway (looking full, but the Sox are losing, heh). Cheruiyot’s in Kenmore Square now, final mile. You can’t even see Maiyo or Keflezighi.

Cheruiyot running under Mass. Ave, and the Sox just won, Mark Loretta HR’ed. I shoulda kept my yap shut, heh. 3-5 in the pack are all Americans, very unusual! Here comes Cheruiyot! Heading onto Boylston, aiming for the course record…RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s you and the time, hoss! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A minute to the finish line, 3 city blocks to go!!!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111 Give’r! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 12 seconds to the record! 5 seconds!!!!!!!!! HE DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2:07:13!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! w00000000000000000000!!!!!!!!!!! Congrats to Robert Cheruiyot! Fuckin’ A!

Maiyo finishes a minute behind Cheruiyot (who’s on his cell phone already), and here comes Meb. Culpepper a few blocks behind Meb. Good finish, picked his form up in the home stretch. 2:09:55. Brian Sell surges past Culpepper to take 4th and Culpepper has 5th. Americans finishing 3-5 in a major marathon for the first time since the 1600s!

Cheruiyot looks either really moved by the ceremony and the win or really, really tired.

Let’s see if OLN checks in on the rest of the runners! It’d be a nice change of pace!

2:22: Nope, they’re talking to Rita Jeptoo. They’ve got her mic’ed really poorly, though, as has been par for the course here today. I’m sorry that I’m bagging on OLN so much, but they’re owned by NBC, who are the standard-bearers with their NYC Marathon coverage, and it lacks quite a bit here (with the exception of the commentary work by Al Trautwig and crew). Here’s hoping that they improve in the coming years. I’d like to be able to hear Cheruiyot speak! I know it’s loud in Boston, because Bostonians are loud people, but so are New Yorkers and I never have trouble hearing at the finish line in Central Park. To me, that’s a technical error.

Still no acknowledgement of the rest of the the runners, no cameras to speak of on the pack. They’re showing everyone leaving Fenway after the Sox game, but not the runners! FOOLS!

2:30: Wrapping up here, since OLN’s done after maybe 100 finishers at most have crossed the line. There have been some amazing performances today, but the network has not been among those delivering them. One of the things that makes the New York Marathon coverage so special is the attention paid to all the stories behind the people running, not just the elite runners but everyone. That kind of got lost in the shuffle with Boston today. I’d recommend that OLN expands and bolsters their Boston coverage next year with a bigger broadcast team, better cameras/satellite feeds, and more attention to not only the elite runners, but also the regular folks, who are the ones who really make these races shine. Just to give you an idea of how much OLN appears to care about those folks: the broadcast just ended, and an infomercial for the Oreck Air Purifier just started. I have to think, or at least hope that the ratings on and interest in a major sporting event like the Boston Marathon are just slightly better than an infomercial, but there probably was more money in an infomercial. Not so good, folks. Work on that.

3:00: One final note: I just sent an email to OLN, detailing my not-so-stellar opinion of their coverage. I will let you all know if I hear anything about it.

Hey, folks. You know how I do my New York Marathon coverage every year? Well, this year, I’m adding Boston too! The Boston Marathon happens this Monday, April 17th. I’ll be starting my pregame at around 11 AM-ish, and running until about 2:30 PM, when Outdoor Life Network’s coverage ends (they’re on from 11:30-2:30).

I’ve never watched Boston before. This should be interesting. Stay tuned!

Very cool, seeing some acknowledgement for one of the best cover versions ever. I haven’t talked to the Bazmaster in ages. I gotta look him up.

From “Lean On Me”, 1989:

Joe Clark: You smoke crack, dont ya? You smoke crack dont ya? Look at me, BOY! Don’t you smoke crack?

Thomas Sams: Yes, sir.

Joe Clark: You know what that does to you? Huh?

Thomas Sams: No, sir.

Joe Clark: It kills your brain cells, son. It kills your brain cells!

The Olsen Twins and the Pointer Sisters will make a porno flick together. Maybe with Godzilla, but he doesn’t need to be in the whole picture. Maybe just one scene where he’s the cable guy or something.

Good times last night. Could you tell that Kage and I had never played the full arrangement of “Heat” in the same room before? Neither could I.

The next show on our schedule, actually looking forward to this one a bunch…

I’ll be at The Loop Lounge (add them on MySpace too!) on Friday, May 12th with The Lost Patrol and Five Star Dive! Doors are at 10, the show’s 21+, and cover should be $7.

The show’s going to be awesome. We’re talking “You see, grandson, back when I was young, listened to the rock ‘n’ roll, drank too much and gave special hugs to women who weren’t your grandmother, I went to this one show…”-level awesome. Do not miss it, or the baby Jesus will steal all your Vicodin.

RSVP here! For reals!

P.S. Best wishes to Jane the sound girl. (It was Jane, right? My hearing’s so shot, and I’m so senile…) Here’s hoping you got home OK.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, APPLE. This may have decided what my next computer will be.

A long time ago now (in Internets time, anyway), this site was the #1 search result for “black cock” on Google. Now, that search term is way crowded with porn sites, and my search ranking for the term is toast (though if you search for “Scott Crawford”, I’m the second result below that guy who has scottcrawford.com, works with Java and probably thinks I’m a horrible cunt…). I want this to change.

Readers of this site, I don’t ask for much here. I just want you to link to this site wherever and whenever you can. Just one of these, written as you see it:

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Here, if you need the html code for that, I’ll give it to you. Just copy the following snippet of text and paste it wherever you need to:

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We can take the power back, together. For just one line of HTML code, you can make sure that Haji here gets the food, clothing and medicine he needs:

“Won’t you help? Remember…Retardos #1…Forever…”