Tomorrow morning is the formal 10th anniversary of my being at this URL, mybigblackcock.com. Before that, I spent a little over 3 1/2 years at some unwieldy Earthlink URL (home.earthlink.net/~sdcrawford/ was the address, I believe).

Man, that’s a long time. I’ve been on the Web for more than a third of my life, and running My Big, Black Cock for over a quarter of it.

There’s actually not a lot of the 2000-2003 version of the site up at the moment. I’m at my 3rd web host since I started the Cock (1 went out of business, another, I had problems with that I totally can’t remember), and at one point, the site was also run on evil, evil MovableType, so the archives may not have been transferred over, out of laziness. I actually put a bunch of old site archives somewhere I could get to them recently, so some of the old stuff may be sneaking onto the current site, over time.

Over the years, the site’s been a little of everything.

It’s been a very mediocre porn site (who remembers the day that the “based upon the musical ‘Cats’ porn shoot” pics showed up in the free porn) that spent a short time dabbling with the idea of being a Luke Ford-esque porn gossip/news site (to tell you the truth, porn bores the shit out of me nowadays and has for a long time, even though I love seeing attractive naked people, so I probably would’ve gotten tired of that really quickly had it caught on). Killed most, if not all traces of that when PayPal went puritan, which kinda sucks, but so does being cut off from the Internet’s biggest payment service. Again, though, porn gets dull in a hurry. I’m not sure how the people who do it keep themselves sane (a lot don’t) and interested.

It’s been a site where I’ve written about music. I’ve done a bunch of record reviews, concert reviews, and interviews over the years, some of which have been awesome. I did that which Lester Bangs warns young William Miller about: I made friends with rock stars.

I’ve released some of my own music here, too. For free! Go get it, if you haven’t. No excuses, no strings attached, though donations are always appreciated. That goes for the rest of the site, too. If you feel like this site’s worth your time, effort and money, send it over!

I’ve written a whole bunch about some friggin’ marathon. This year will be the 10th in which I’ve done some sort of write-up on it (though I think some of it may be missing from the archives, stay tuned on that). Through my writing and general coverage of NYC, I’ve seen some incredible things and made friends with rock stars of a different, but equally awesome kind.

I’ve also struggled to train, so that one of these days, I can run in the marathon instead of sitting on my ass yelling “RUNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!” at the marathon on my TV set. I really haven’t done any awe-inspiring work there, and I need to get back to it, honestly, but I really do want to run the damn thing. Hell, I want to run, period. If you don’t read of me running for a while, bug me about it, folks. Keep me honest. I haven’t given up, but I get into ruts sometimes.

That’s another thing I’ve used the site for: keeping myself honest, whenever possible, however possible. I have a lot going on, some of it good, some of it not so good, and a lot of work to do on myself as a person (really, we all do). Often, I’ll talk about things that most people wouldn’t dream of blurting out publicly, because of the accountability involved in putting yourself on the line, but I find that it really does help me, and I think that it gives people who read this some sense that I’m not just someone completely talking out my ass, and that I do at least try to walk the walk. Your mileage may vary.

I’ve created holidays.

I’ve met and made contact with some people via the site. Most of them have been awesome, some not so awesome, just like when I go outside and meet people.

I’ve beaten people to death with my opinions on things, like everyone who has one of these new-fangled web sites seems to do. That’s worked out OK sometimes, and less so on other occasions. It’s cool when something I say resonates with people, or gets the attention of someone who probably wouldn’t pay attention to me otherwise. (FYI: I stopped using NetNewsWire for good shortly after that post.)

I’ve helped people out whenever possible. Hopefully, I did a little good.

I’ve made people laugh. Hopefully, I’ve done it often.

I’ve probably done some other stuff that I’m forgetting, as I’m senile. If any of it jumped off the page at you, post about it in the comments.

Mostly, though, I’ve used this particular medium to do what Ally Sheedy did with her bag in “The Breakfast Club”, only with my brain.

I’ve done it at this address for 10 years, despite all sorts of questions about why I’d use a name like “My Big, Black Cock”, and even occasional social and economic pressure over the name (PayPal shut me off for 6 months once before deciding that I wasn’t violating their TOS, porn scammers have done everything in their power to mess with my search engine rankings, and I’ve run into all sorts of trouble from advertisers before I decided to say “fuck advertising”).

I’ve laid it on the line here, as best I can, and I plan to continue doing so for the forseeable future. To those of you who have supported and continue to support this site, thank you for giving a shit.

This Week: Me 0, Fear 0
Current Score: Me 35, Fear 19

Nothing new to report, though I wrote late last week so this was a short week. Usual freakouts about my mortality, money, and having too much stuff apply, but we’ve written about those already. In the short term, not selling any comics, but I did pull about 100 more CDs to sell (which will eventually be on Amazon or somesuch).

Three quarters of the year down now. Who knew I’d stick with this even as well as I have been?

Weeks 36-38: Fear 1, Me 1
Current Score: Me 35, Fear 19

Became aware this week of some serious issues I have dealing with my perception of what the people close to me expect from me, as opposed to the reality of it. I get scared of my perception of things, but the reality probably isn’t so bad. Eventually, I may beat this one, but it got me this week.

I did, however, fight a winning battle against The Closet Of Anxieties. Literally. Had some cleaning, sorting and cataloguing to do, and while it totally overwhelmed me for an entire weekend and probably led to a migraine, I got things in perspective and gutted it out.

Aside from those two points (I know I missed some time), nothing you haven’t heard about in previous weeks. Money worries, “What happens to my stuff?” worries, the usual.

I’ve finally got the numbering correct, weeks-wise. We kept leaking days here and there. This coming Monday will be Week 39. Thanks for your patience with my time accounting inadequacies.

This Week: Me 1, Fear 2
Current Score: Me 34, Fear 18

Amazingly, the one in the plus column for me was me locking my keys in my trunk. Had a moment of “oh, fuck”, then methodically exhausted my options until one came along that was free and worked. Kept a cool head, didn’t do anything rash or disturb anyone I didn’t absolutely have to.

As for the minus column, there’s a few.

First off, a few nights ago, I couldn’t sleep for about an hour and a half after watching “Amelie” (GREAT movie) after being up for a very long day before watching it, because it sent my mind racing. Got a few lines of a song out of it, but I basically had to ride out my thought processes being on overdrive until I was exhausted, and am still feeling set back two days later.

Second, as I type this, I’m dealing with the realization that technology will always be just one step behind being usable in the ways I’d like it to be, if for no other reason than that it keeps people buying new stuff. This fucking sucks, and it frustrates and inconveniences the crap out of me all the time. Just the thought of waiting for features to be added to things I need to use gives me anxiety that I can’t quite dispel. It’s a petty, first world concern, but it eats at my time and my happiness, and I haven’t quite solved it yet, so we’ll go to the minus column here.

That’s all for this time. Coming soon, I resolve which week I should be on in the calendar year I’m supposed to be keeping track of!

Welcome to the 9th Annual Motherfucker Day, motherfuckers. For you motherfuckers who are late to the party, here is the story of Motherfucker Day, as it was written 9 years ago today:

“From this day forth, September 11th will be known to all people as “Motherfucker Day”. Motherfucker Day honors the word “motherfucker” as one of humanity’s greatest contributions to planet Earth.

To observe Motherfucker Day, all one needs to do is say “motherfucker” at the end of every sentence, or at least every sentence that you remember to end it with. For instance, “Can you please pass the salt, motherfucker?” Or, “I love you, motherfucker.”

You can also put up banners that say “motherfucker” at your home, workplace, school, or place of worship; write the word “motherfucker” on walls everywhere (if you get busted, simply tell the police “I’m no criminal, motherfucker!” They’re sure to understand, and let you go.); and, if you’re so inclined and they’re consenting, feel free to go ahead and fuck someone’s mother. Hell, they could probably use it. This is just a short list of ways to celebrate Motherfucker Day, and is by no means complete. If you can think of another way to celebrate Motherfucker Day, feel free to do it, and certainly feel free to tell us about it here!

That’s all for now. Hopefully, by issuing this decree to all of humanity, I’ve done something to make an otherwise ordinary day feel just a little more special and festive. Spread the word! Tell a friend! September 11th is Motherfucker Day! Enjoy your new holiday, motherfucker!”